Couples that seem flawless often hide behind the facade of smiles and synchronous laughter a true dynamics, which either cement their partnership, or slowly eats it. Psychologist Mark Trevers is convinced that it is not romance or avoiding conflicts, but habits that may not seem glamorous at all - including disputes, requirements and honesty in daily little things.
According to Trevers, strong relationships are not built on the avoidance of conflicts - on the contrary, they grow due to constructive interaction in difficult moments. A study published in Journal of Margin and Family proves: quarrels are not a sign of weakness, but a manifestation of a couple that can resolve conflicts rather than sweep them under the carpet.
The most successful couples do not avoid disputes - they use them as an opportunity to hear each other and adjust the course of relationships.
In this context, the quarrel is not a catastrophe, but a partnership service. The main thing is how to quarrel. If criticism becomes humiliated, it is destructive. But a soft, reasonable remark or a clearly formulated request - on the contrary, strengthens the connection. Psychologist John Gottman at one time pointed out that ruthless critic is the main harbinger of the break. But if the partner says frankly and kindly, "I need more time with you" or "I am upset when you don't listen to me," it forms a healthy dialogue.
Another important feature of happy couples is the ability to ask what they need. Many are silent, fearing to be obsessive, but this silence subsequently accumulate dissatisfaction. According to a study published in Communication Research , depressed desires and needs are a direct path to emotional distance.
Couples that grow together do not fear vulnerability. They learn to clearly voice their emotional and physical needs without fear of being convicted.
Mark Trevers emphasizes that all these habits - from the ability to conflict to honesty in little things - make sense only when they are supported constantly and consciously. A casual good conversation will not change the script if there is a detachment on other days. The difference between just good and truly deep relationships is intentional daily actions.
The point is to treat the relationship not as an automated system, but as a handmade - complex, delicate, but very valuable. It is this attention to subtle settings and is the fact that partners allow partners through life storms without losing their connection.
