What is "imposter syndrome" and how to overcome it

"I don't know why I haven't been fired yet. They will see that I am not suitable for this job. I'm here completely by accident and I'm deceiving everyone."

Do you have these thoughts? If so, you probably have imposter syndrome.

"This is a fairly common phenomenon that is not considered a mental disorder. It is accompanied by a feeling of self-doubt and arises from the inability to recognize one's successes. At the same time, a person feels like a charlatan whose deception is about to be revealed, Dolores Liria, a psychotherapist from the Association of Psychologists of Catalonia, told the BBC.

Impostor syndrome is associated with the fear of not living up to the expectations of others. It occurs when "your real personality and the personality with which you identify yourself do not match. And you think you're worse than you really are," explains Mar Martinez Ricart, a psychologist specializing in neurobiology.

"This leads to the fact that we do not realize what we are capable of, or feel unworthy of our achievements," explains Isabel Aranda from the Madrid Association of Psychologists.

In order to succeed, people with imposter syndrome usually work overtime or resort to various compensatory mechanisms, which ultimately leads to harmful health consequences, resulting in anxiety or depression.

The term "impostor syndrome" was first used in 1978 by psychologists Paulina Rose Klance and Suzanne Ames.

It is important to note that this is not a pathology or a mental illness, but a behavior learned from childhood, and therefore it can be stabilized, explain the experts we consulted.

No one is immune from impostor syndrome, but women suffer the most from it.

The reason, according to experts, lies in the lack of female role models, gender stereotypes and prejudices at work and in educational institutions, where women are often expected to do less than men.

"We're eager to show that we're doing great because we think we're worse than we really are from the start," says Ricart, founder of Imposter Syndrome counseling service.

Psychologists advise: if there is a feeling that this problem is stronger than you, you should seek professional help. They will help you overcome this syndrome and increase your self-esteem.

Here are six steps from the experts we spoke to.

1. Recognize the problem

One of the main problems is that we do not find time for ourselves - to understand what is happening to us, establish a connection with ourselves and think about it.

"You have to realize that you don't value yourself, you don't know how to praise or support yourself. And you don't think you deserve success," says Aranda.

It is also important how and what we usually say to ourselves.

Ricart emphasizes that the critical, overly demanding voice that constantly demands to do more appeared at some point in our lives "as a tool that helped us survive." It may have even made us more efficient in some areas, but if it doesn't allow us to move forward, we need to change our approach.

"Trying to find the root cause can help us deal with the problem and see if it's getting out of control," says Dolores Liria.

2. Remember your successes

In a moment of great anxiety or depression, look at the situation from the side. This will reduce tension and help you evaluate yourself more constructively.

Dolors Liria recommends remembering how you used to behave in similar situations. "Maybe you felt the same way, but most of the time you coped."

You can even make a list of all your achievements.

"Something like a portfolio of personal development," says Aranda.

Mar Ricard calls it the “Achievement Tree” and explains that it reminds you of your successes and reconnects you with yourself.

3. Celebrate every success

"After achieving one goal, you usually immediately move on to the next one, without giving yourself the opportunity to celebrate your success, appreciate it and thank yourself for all the efforts you've made," says Ricard.

That's why, according to the expert, it's important to celebrate and remember every achievement, no matter how big or small it is.

"After all, behind it stands the price you paid. You have to give yourself the opportunity to feel it, to be grateful and, of course, to enjoy it. Otherwise, one gets the feeling that nothing happened."

In addition, Ricard emphasizes that it is important to appreciate everything you do. "You have to remind yourself that you are a worthy person, no matter what kind of work you do."

4. How others see you

One of the hallmarks of imposter syndrome is the disconnect between what you think of yourself and what others think of you.

"That's why it can be helpful to look at yourself through the eyes of others," says Aranda.

She recommends keeping a list of what others are saying about you. "Write down when you are praised. Don't forget what people are saying about your work."

And if there are doubts, be interested in the opinion of others, advises Dolors Liria.

"Don't wait, talk to your supervisor if you're not sure you're doing a good job, or if you need someone to confirm it."

5. Adjust expectations

In any relationship, people expect something from each other. And labor relations are no exception: both sides count on something.

But when it comes to imposter syndrome, your expectations may not match what you expect from your job, but what you expect from yourself.

And it is necessary to balance it.

Experts suggest performing an exercise to check if we are not setting unrealistic goals. Here's a simple example: you can't expect to be able to run a marathon any time soon if you just start training.

And in this case, the manager should give us clear instructions about the expectations for this work or set a task so that these expectations can be adjusted.

6. Self-care

In order to be aware of what is happening to us, regulate our emotions and endure unpleasant moments more easily, it is important, according to experts, to take care of ourselves.

Sports can help with this. "This is an important emotional self-regulator. And it is not necessary to go to the gym, it can be any activity: walking or dancing," says Liria.

"It's important to find something that keeps you afloat and calms you down," she adds. "Sports, singing, dancing, talking with someone you trust."

It is important to change the focus, because life is not only work. "Friends, family, hobbies. This is what supports us and increases our self-esteem."

Lyria also recommends looking for simple daily sources of joy. “Life can be hard and work can be hard, but there are simple, pleasant things that cheer you up and reduce stress. It can be anything: from a kind word to sunlight."

"It's also important to tame the inner critic and treat yourself more leniently. This will increase self-confidence," says Mar Martinez Ricart.

"Develop an empathetic perspective, look at yourself with love, overcome the critical thoughts that your impostor suggests to you."