What is “impostor syndrome” and how to overcome it

"I don't know why they haven't fired me yet. They'll see that I'm not fit for this job. I'm here by accident and I'm deceiving everyone.".

Do you have these thoughts? If so, you probably have imposter syndrome.

"This is a fairly common phenomenon that is not considered a mental disorder. It is accompanied by a feeling of self-doubt and arises from the inability to recognize one's successes. The person feels like a charlatan whose deception is about to be exposed," Dolors Líria, a psychotherapist at the Association of Psychologists of Catalonia, told the BBC.

Imposter syndrome is related to the fear of not living up to the expectations of others. It occurs when “your real personality and the personality you identify with don’t match. And you think you’re worse than you really are,” explains Mar Martínez Ricart, a psychologist specializing in neurobiology.

“This leads to us not realizing what we are capable of or feeling unworthy of our achievements,” explains Isabel Aranda from the Madrid Association of Psychologists.

To achieve success, people with imposter syndrome usually work overtime or resort to various compensatory mechanisms, which ultimately leads to harmful health consequences, resulting in anxiety or depression.

The term “impostor syndrome” was first used in 1978 by psychologists Paulina Rose Clancy and Suzanne Ames.

It is important to note that this is not a pathology or a mental illness, but a behavior learned from childhood, and therefore it can be stabilized, explain the experts we consulted.

No one is immune to imposter syndrome, but women suffer from it the most.

The reason, according to experts, lies in the lack of female role models, gender stereotypes, and prejudices at work and in educational institutions, where women are often expected to do less than men.

“We are eager to show that we are doing great because we think we are worse than we really are from the beginning,” says Ricart, founder of the Impostor Syndrome counseling service.

Psychologists advise: if you feel that this problem is stronger than you, you should seek professional help. They will help you overcome this syndrome and increase your self-esteem.

Here are six steps from the experts we spoke to.

1. Acknowledge the problem

One of the main problems is that we don't find time for ourselves - to understand what is happening to us, to connect with ourselves, and to make sense of it.

“You have to realize that you don’t value yourself, you don’t know how to praise or support yourself. And you don’t think you deserve success,” Aranda says.

It is also important how and what we usually say to ourselves.

Ricart emphasizes that the critical, overly demanding voice that constantly demands more has emerged at some point in our lives “as a tool to help us survive.” It may even have made us more effective in some areas, but if it’s holding us back from moving forward, we need to change our approach.

“Trying to find the root cause can help us deal with the problem and see if it’s getting out of control,” says Dolors Líria.

2. Remember your successes

When you feel very anxious or depressed, try to look at the situation from a different perspective. This will reduce tension and help you evaluate yourself more constructively.

Dolors Lyria recommends thinking back to how you’ve handled similar situations before. “You may have felt the same way, but most of the time you handled it.”.

You can even make a list of all your achievements.

“Something like a personal development folder,” Aranda says.

Mar Ricard calls this the “tree of achievements” and explains that it reminds you of your successes and reconnects you with yourself.

3. Celebrate every success

“After achieving one goal, you usually immediately move on to the next, without giving yourself the opportunity to celebrate your success, appreciate it, and thank yourself for all the effort you put in,” says Ricard.

That's why, according to the expert, it's important to celebrate and remember every achievement, regardless of whether it's big or small.

“After all, there is a price behind it that you paid. You have to give yourself the opportunity to feel it, be grateful and, of course, enjoy it. Otherwise, it feels like nothing happened.”.

Ricard also emphasizes the importance of appreciating everything you do. “You have to remind yourself that you are a worthy person, no matter what job you do.”.

4. How others see you

One of the characteristics of imposter syndrome is the gap between what you think of yourself and what others think of you.

“That’s why it can be helpful to look at yourself through the eyes of others,” says Aranda.

She recommends keeping a list of what others say about you. “Write down when you get compliments. Don’t forget what people are saying about your work.”.

And if in doubt, ask others for their opinions, advises Dolors Liria.

“Don’t wait, reach out to your manager if you’re not sure you’re doing a good job or if you need someone to confirm it.”.

5. Adjust expectations

In any relationship, people expect something from each other. And employment relationships are no exception: both parties count on something.

But when it comes to imposter syndrome, your expectations may not align with what you expect from your job, but with what you expect from yourself.

And this needs to be balanced.

Experts suggest doing an exercise to check if we are setting unrealistic goals. Here is a simple example: you can't expect to be able to run a marathon soon if you have just started training.

And in this case, the manager should give us clear instructions on the expectations for the job or set tasks so that these expectations can be adjusted.

6. Self-care

To be aware of what is happening to us, regulate our emotions, and more easily endure unpleasant moments, it is important, according to experts, to take care of ourselves.

Sports can help with this. “It’s an important emotional self-regulator. And it doesn’t have to be going to the gym, it can be any activity: walking or dancing,” says Liria.

“It’s important to find something that helps you stay afloat and calms you down,” she adds. “Sports, singing, dancing, talking to someone you trust.”.

It's important to change focus, because life is not just about work. "Friends, family, hobbies. These are what sustain us and increase our self-esteem.".

Lyria also recommends finding simple, everyday sources of joy. “Life can be hard, and work can be tough, but there are simple, pleasant things that lift your spirits and reduce stress. It can be anything from a kind word to sunshine.”.

“It is also important to tame your inner critic and be more forgiving of yourself. This will increase your self-confidence,” says Mar Martínez Ricart.

“Develop an empathetic perspective, look at yourself with love, overcome the critical thoughts that your impostor inspires in you.”.